Ah my little blog, I have been neglecting you lately and it’s starting to show. You’re like a 6 week old hair do, the regrowth is so dark it could now pass as ombre… I am sorry. Please except this blog post as my apology.
My reasons are varied, one is the most obvious…. I’m time poor, But aren’t we all….
Excuses aside, I just haven’t really felt like blogging lately, I have still been writing but as for pressing publish, I seem to shy away and just press the ol archive button and leave it for another day. It felt like I had nothing of value to really add, it was just rambles.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, just my personal expectations I suppose.
I feel like my blog is taking a different turn or more to the point I am taking a different turn. My life has had so many massive changes in the past few months and at the time I took it all in my stride, but now I am realising that perhaps it is slowly catching up with me.
That’s how I operate, I am fantastic in high stress situations, the higher stress the better I cope… But when the sun sets and the moon does her dance, silence fills the air and those thoughts that stress squashes right down start to creep back up.
Some days I let them, some days I don’t. It’s a coin toss around here and you know what? That’s ok.
I am perfectly ok with not being ok all of the time. I happen to believe that when life is a bit of a struggle and nothing seems to go to plan that this is the divines (that’s my word for God, a higher power ,self etc) way of setting things straight. Perhaps you took a wrong turn and went down a wrong path, the struggle sets you straight, the struggle is your sign that things are not right.
This is when you need to pay attention, come back to centre and regroup.
At times like this you need silence and time to listen to your inner voice, the one that speaks without words that is so easily ignored if we allow it.
I find my silence by meditation, and I have been doing this religiously every night, even if it is just 5 minutes, a friend of mine finds her silence by going for a run- both very different methods but still ending up in the same place.
I am finding my silence and am listening very carefully to the next step I should take. I feel like I am on the edge of some great and wonderful things but I just can’t quite take the plunge, not yet anyway.
Soon, very soon.
Until then, until I figure out my next move I am quite happy just being, not having too many expectations or trying to rush some sort of future I once thought I should have. (You know the one, worldly travelled, perfect job that is highly paid that you happen to love, married with 3 kids, house with white picket fence all by the time you are 30)
The truth is no one has that, none of us have it laid out so perfectly. Guaranteed if you scratch the surface of this perfect white picket exterior you will find something, each of us has our own battles that we are dealing with, some just choose to do so silently.
I don’t mean to say that everyone is secretly miserable, not at all, I just mean be careful of comparison, it truly is the devil. Comparison will slowly kill your soul and crush you, stay clear.
My silence has told me I need to just sit and take care of me by doing things I like and that fill my own cup so to speak.
Practical things like my yoga class, giving myself angel card readings, drinking more water, going for a drive with no destination in mind… right down to not so practical things like spending 2 hours in Priceline looking for a lip gloss that is the prefect mix of nude and peach – a little self-indulgent? Perhaps, but you know what, I don’t care… I found the perfect colour and I strutted all the way to the checkout. Then I snap chatted the experience, cause im a little bit up myself in that way.
So here we are, at the end of another blog post which I wrote and considered not publishing, it really doesn’t have a point or serve a purpose it is just a conversation I have been having with myself and now I am having it with you.
But this time I am pressing publish, because shit isn’t always sunshine and marble homewares with rose gold accents… (Which by the way I happen to like) sometimes it’s hard, but were all in it together and if you ask me, that makes it a little brighter.
So if you need me – ill be finding my centre and regrouping, or maybe at Priceline….
Tell me, what do you do to find your silence and fill your cup?